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Wye, Kent. |
Bury St Edmunds |
My Bruges home was in this building on Woensdagmarkt. |
Bruges, Beguinage. |
Nonetheless, to finally sell house and home to finance the next, the last, stage, must be daunting. Our possessions are always more than just objects. They are part of our sense of being a person, just as our home is an essential part of our self. That is why we find it impossible to comprehend how some can live on the street. They have to, having lost everything, but how on earth do they shift, psychologically, to accepting it, understanding it, accommodating it? Incomprehensible to most of us. To lose our home is to lose part of, most of, ourselves. However, if a possession isn’t too important to us, then we can relinquish it quite easily. When I was moving to Bruges to live, at 80, I realised that there I could easily live there without a car. While in Kent, I had felt that my car was essential and being without it permanently would have been incredibly difficult, almost impossible to bear. But in Bruges, life without a car would be easy and had advantages; I did not need to familiarise myself with driving on the ‘wrong’ side of the road; I did not need to locate and pay for a garage or parking space; I needed to buy no petrol or MoT nor to learn the nuances of Belgian highway laws. There was a local train station and buses passed my building nearby every ten minutes. In short, giving up my car was a blast and I did so without a qualm. So, in Brugge, a car ceased to be an important part of my life and could be effortlessly relinquished!
After talking to one or two elderly people here in Bury, I now understand that just moving house is difficult for some. A friend who has lived for around fifty years in the same house, where her sons were born and a happy-enough marriage was played out, simply cannot deal with the thought of selling and finding new. The house itself needs a complete renovation; it is large, draughty and expensive to run, lacking, as it does, a modern kitchen and bathroom or any real modern insulation. It has around eight steps to the front door from the street, and she is moving towards some difficulty in walking. Clearly, to her, the idea of leaving her long-term home equates to ‘tearing up her roots’ ; it is painful and almost literal in her case. Moving house is anyway considered one of Life’s most stressful events, at any age, and she cannot yet consider the awful prospect of leaving her beloved haven, and indeed, may never do so despite the fact that a small modern apartment in the centre of town, where she could live more cheaply and easily, would enhance her quality of life considerably. And importantly, she would be establishing her next home. She isn’t giving that up; this isn’t the final move, as it were.
Towards the end of life, moving house finally, selling up at last, will be, associated with thoughts of approaching death. And many elderly people can accommodate this with equanimity, but to gain that desirable equilibrium, one needs to feel that one’s life has had a sense of achievement. Many will find that in books written and published; art created and exhibited; successful career acknowledged and completed. But, additionally for some, and solely for others, the solid fact of a home, full of possessions gathered pleasurably over the years, in a house which is yours, to pass on to others, gives a strong and satisfying sense of personal continuity. It reassures us that an important part of us continues and contributes to the welfare and happiness of others after us, who remember us affectionately and with gratitude. Monetary value is not necessarily involved in that chair or that picture which we pass on to selected individuals; it is the fact that this, or that, treasured possession of ours will delight the new owner while helping others to remember us. And some part of us will continue after our death.