Lost Boys

 

Gareth Southgate

 My last blog on the Netflix drama, Adolescence, sensitised me to current social anxieties about the uncertain, perhaps harmful, psychological state of many teenage boys and very young men. Somehow, I had not truly noticed the increasing public disquiet about boys’ mental health which has coincided with publicity about the major new research project recently launched by the Centre for Social Justice entitled Lost Boys and its findings are disquieting. But the alert which sparked my present interest, came from a speech by a man I much admire, Gareth Southgate, former UK Football Team manager.

Gareth Southgate was credited with revitalising the England team and was knighted in the King’s New Year Honours in December 2024. He has just delivered the Richard Dimbleby Lecture, held most years since 1972 in memory of the distinguished broadcaster and he focussed on the importance of self belief and resilience for young men, citing three factors needed to build these characteristics: identity, connection and culture. He referred approvingly to the Centre for Social Justice report, just issued, which said that boys and young men aged 16-24, since the pandemic, were in crisis with a “staggering” 40% increase in those not in education, employment or training, compared to 7% for females.

Southgate left after missing important penalty in
Euro 96 against Germany
Right, as England manager in 2022

“Too many young men are isolated” he said. "Too many feel uncomfortable opening up to friends or family. Many don’t have mentors– teachers, coaches, bosses- who befriend them and understand how to push them to grow. And so, when they struggle, young men inevitably try to handle whatever situation they find themselves in, alone. They end up withdrawing, reluctant to talk or express their emotions.”  “They spend more time online, searching for direction and falling into unhealthy alternatives like gaming, gambling or pornography.” Southgate also added that boys do not get enough opportunities to fail and then learn from their mistakes.  “In my opinion, if we make life too easy for young boys now, we will inevitably make life harder for them when they grow up to be young men. Too many young men are at risk of fearing failure precisely because they’ve had so few opportunities to experience and overcome it. They fail to try rather than try and fail.” Reflecting on what he had learned from his career, Southgate explained, “If I’ve learned anything from my life in football, it’s that success is much more than the final score. True success is how you respond in the hardest moments.”

Centre for Social Justice advises to involve boys
at risk in sporting activities.

The Centre for Social Justice report shows not only a growing divergence in education and employment areas between boys and girls but also an increasing divide in the social and political attitudes of the sexes. Young men are increasingly drawn to conservative, traditional or right-wing views whilst girls become more liberal and progressive as they grow up and this developing incompatibility between the sexes is underpinned by widespread family breakdown. Furthermore, and more problematically, being poor and working class increases the likelihood of this bleak situation occurring. Boys are twice as likely to be expelled from school; 96% of prisoners are male; suicide is now the biggest killer of men [under 50]; young men often earn less and are more likely to be unemployed or economically inactive than girls. A lot of the concern regarding the impact of social media and technology has understandably been over girls suffering with increased rates of anxiety and self-harm. Yet boys investigating online, alone in their bedrooms, can lead them to embrace debilitating games addiction, exposure to often violent and extreme pornography and influencers like Andrew Tate with their relentless emphasis on toxic masculinity.

Ten years ago in 2014, this same Centre for Social Justice published Fractured Families which highlighted the alarming trend to fatherlessness in the U.K. Good parenting by fathers in childhood seems to have a disproportionate effect on the mental health of young men, yet teenagers sitting their GCSEs are more likely to own a smartphone than to live with their dad. A million children have no significant contact with their fathers while low-income fathers are half as likely to go to parenting and antenatal classes as higher income fathers: 71% v 31%. 72% of higher income fathers felt prepared for becoming a father for the first time compared to 61% of lower income fathers who felt similarly prepared. Indeed, 55% of low-income fathers said they were left to “pick it up for themselves” while only 29% of higher income dads felt the same. 46% of fathers with an income of under £20,000 said there were " not many good role models for being a dad." Economically poorer fathers found little useful information and support online with only 26% of those in the lowest income brackets involved in looking while 45% of higher income fathers regularly used the Internet for information and help. Again and again, boys' problems are further enhanced by class differences.

Strong and stable societies need strong and stable men in strong and stable families; boys are not born knowing how to harness their natural masculine tendencies for good; they need to be taught, trained, encouraged and inspired by positive examples around them, in their lives. The riots in the summer of 2024 were in large part a reaction to the sharp decline in value and status, perhaps subconsciously felt by working class British males. Large numbers of disenfranchised young men are a destructive force in society and on an individual basis, leave boys bewildered, not knowing how to be a good man.