Friendship.

 

Connor, rather older than the grapes
moment.

 Recently, when my youngest grandson was visiting me, I suddenly remembered nearly 30 years before when I had arrived to stay with my son and his family. When I rang the front doorbell, this grandson was first to the door and by chance happened to be carrying a little bunch of grapes his mother had just given him. The instant the door was opened, he offered the grapes to me and said eagerly, “Hey Nana, do you want to play at sharing?” He was so eager to share that it seemed like an almost automatic response but his childish openness and instinctive generosity both touched me and prompted the thought then that this moment exemplified both friendship and family.

The three of us, probably
in 1954/5 with Peter the dog!
Perhaps, 20, 18,14.

This photo of Heather on her 80th 
taken on July 28th, the birthday I 
shared with both my sisters!

I have just seen online that July 30^th is the U.N. International Day of Friendship, and I instantly thought of the tiny Connor and his grapes and the charm of his instinctive offer. He is still my friend, as are his brothers. The person I had counted as my best friend over much of my life was my younger sister, Heather, who had seemingly always been my confidante and supporter as I was hers. We never lived near each other after our growing up but managed to see each other often over the years, in family-centric occasions like weddings, birthdays, funerals, christenings plus holidays. We had always supported and helped each other, and it was an incredible blow when she died a few months before I returned to live in England three years ago. I had lived in Bruges for several years where she had often stayed and then, just before I left to spend my old age in Suffolk where she and I had planned to do so much together, in the county where she had spent most of her life, a phone call broke the unwelcome news. I wrote Requiem For A Sister in a blog dated Sept 5th 2021.

Friendship is a powerful and essential part of the human experience and impacts all our lives in so many ways. I now discover I wrote a blog on The Joys of Friendship on Sept 18th 2019 referring to the same group of friends as described below! Some friendships last for years; I remember fondly [a touch of Proustian memory surfacing here!] several friends, now gone, who were in a group I belonged to throughout my twenties and into my thirties. I recently saw a photograph of them with me in the white raincoat I loved during my twenties which helped me to date the picture. They were the people I spent most of my leisure time with; dancing, meeting for coffee or lunch, attending films and giving parties, going to the pub and so on. I have never had such a long-lasting and intense friendship group since and I can now see the sense of belonging, and connection it provided.

Part of the Brugge friendship group celebrating
Noreen's birthday.

Reflecting on this, I note how positively that friendship group impacted my life; I grew up within it and learned, without knowing I was learning, about loyalty, kindness, trust, tenacity and sociability. Sobering now to realise that I am the last man standing at 91 when I have few close friends. Indeed, so many friends have gone, others have moved away, and contact has withered, while meeting compatible others in a new place, is much rarer in the higher altitudes! There IS a tiny category currently of 'almost friends', some of whom I know not even their names! Normally, I do a 30 ish minute walk early in the day, and over a week, I see dog walkers on their daily run with pooch and we greet and nod, and with one or two, we stop and chat. There are others when I recognise the dog but am slower to check the owner! But this loose collection of dog walkers are definitely Almost Friends!!

I love the idea of the United Nations General Assembly promoting The International Day of Friendship in 2011with the notion that friendship between peoples, countries, cultures and individuals can inspire peace efforts and build bridges between communities. This built on UNESCO’S Culture of Peace proposal, adopted by the U.N. in 1997 and below is the list of actions to promote a culture of peace, outlined by UNESCO then.

1. Foster a culture of peace through education. 

2. Promote sustainable economic and social development 

3. Promote respect for all human rights. 

4. Ensure equality between men and women.

5 Foster democratic paricipation. 

6. Advance understanding, tolerance and solidarity.

7.Support participatory communication and the free flow of information and knowledge.;

8. Promote international peace and security.

An impressive list and one which sets almost impossible standards but it IS iconic in its ability to engage the imagination and extend the horizon of any country or individual.